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"I'll Be Missy's"
by Callie21V

[sung to the tune of "I'll Be Mrs." from Buffy's "Selfless"]

Spoiler Warning: This parody is based on "Nuclear War".
Please read that episode first.

[ Fade in on QUINN pacing the room. As the first few notes die out, he swivels to confront COLETTE: ]

Unlawfully single,
That's what you've called me all day long
Just one little thing, though: you're wrong...
I may not wear a ring, no
But I'll get to that as we go along
If you'll let me sing you, this song...

You see, there's nothing on my hand
But 'round my heart's a wedding band
[ quietly ] It's not been off since "Desert Sands"
And that is whyyy...
My firm replyyy... is
[ music cuts out to just a piano beat ]
IIIIIIIII'm still Missy's,
IIIIIIIII'm forever Missy's...
I may have slid but you can't get rid
Of your life's pick
That quick...

[ music trails off until WADE jumps in with her own words to the first verse ]

Why the need for marriage?
...I mean, what's this stupid law about?
Surely there's another
Way out?

If they've got the money,
Then once you've been caught to rot in jail,
I suppose your friends could
Post bail...

[ She spares QUINN a look. His expression instantly quashes that notion. ]

On second thought, the cops have guns
Plus see above re: lack of funds
So just to save our...buttered buns
I'll play this role...
But on the whole...

[ music swells ]

IIIIIIIII'll be Missy's,
IIIIIIIII will still be Missy's...
[ QUINN looks away ]
Missy's mysteriously vanishing and generally lame-ass, husband...

[ music shifts keys ]

And thus we'll hiiide, 'mid paper hearts
Until the sliiide, shall do us part
Yes, Quinn is getting married

BUGLADY [ from door ]
Oh well, there's always Larry

No time to be wary just bury your douuubts...

Say... do cross-world marriage vows survive?
Like Colin's back in 'Lipschitz Live'?

Enough of that, you're twenty-five
It's time to wed...

But like I said...
[ music reaches crescendo ]
IIIIIIIII'll be Missy's,
IIIIIIIII will still be Missy's...
[ WADE and COLETTE sing contrasting harmonies ]
I... will... BEEEEEEE

[ cut to QUINN and WADE, alone in the hotel room, furiously making out ]

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