Celebrity Deathmatch: Sliders Edition!
-- By HurriKain --

Mills Lane
Round Two

J. Gomez: Welcome back to...Celebrity Deathmatch! If you missed the last fight between JOC and Robert Floyd, then you missed one hell of a fight.

<shows highlights>

J. Gomez: Nothing is more dangerous than an ego scorned. After some quick quips by Robert, Jerry returned the favor with his fighting skills. Then Robert turn Jerry's past against him and made an amazing comeback... but once again Jerry had Robert off guard and unleashed his "Bunghole Slide" move, making Robert slide in pieces.

N. Diamond: Even though Jerry had WON the fight, his ego was still bruised, due to the fact that Cleavant Derricks was the fans' favorite.

J. Gomez: Let's just hope that Jerry will calm himself down. If you are just tuning in, we have Mr. Derricks in the booth with us as a guest announcer.

C. Derricks: Thanks again, man. But like I said before, I'm just here to watch.

J. Gomez: No problem. Now lets get in to our second fight...


J. Gomez: As you may know, Sabrina was with Sliders when it first aired, and when the third season began on Fox, the networks wanted to make a few...changes.

N. Diamond: Such as Executive Producer David Peckinpah, who brought in several movie ripoffs to the set, and a very luscious young actress.

J. Gomez: That actress was Kari Wuhrer, who played the hard-assed Maggie Beckett. It was said the character was added when Arturo died to add some conflict between the friendly Sliders group, but Peck used the character as eye candy throughout the latter part of the third season, despite the fact that her acting was so horrible, that the countless cleavage shots couldn't make up for it.

N. Diamond: It was obvious that the two actresses didn't get along during the season of bad scripts and concepts. But when 4th season contract negotiations came, David Peckinpah signed his female prospect and gave Sabrina the boot.

J. Gomez: And that feud is going to end...tonight. They are fighting for the title of Sliders Queen. But before we begin, let's view their stats:

Sabrina: Film and TV credits include "Sports Night", and the film "Fatherhood".
Kari: Stint as co-host for the MTV show, "Remote Control," plus countless B-movies and soft porn.
Sabina: Known as the sweet and conscientious Slider.
Kari: Know as the bitchy maverick Slider.
Sabrina: Known for her great acting and sweet charisma.
Kari: Known for her gratuitous displays of T&A.

N. Diamond: Believe me, folks, differences like these will make this one hell of a fight. But from what I heard, as the seasons progressed, Kari's acting had gotten fairly decent.

<Sabrina walks down the blue aisle, waving to the crowd>

In the blue corner, known as the adventurous computer whiz Wade Welles....SABRINA LLOYD!

<Crowd cheers>
<Before she can enter the ring, Tracy Tormé says a few words of encouragement.>
T. Torme: Good luck, Sabrina.
S. Lloyd: Thanks. <kisses him on the cheek and climbs into the ring>

<Then Kari walks out, with a mixture of boos and hisses along with some whistles and cat calls>

And in the red corner, known at the busty pilot Magie Beckett.....KARI WUHRER!

D. Peckinpah <Waiting for her next to the ring>: Make me proud, babe!

<As Kari climbs in the ring, Peck slaps her butt>
Kari: Dave, not in public.

Mills Lane: OK, both of you listen carefully, especially you Kari, all I want is a nice clean fight, now LET'S GET IT ON!

Kari: Hi Sabrina, long time no see, and how's the jackas..oh I mean, your husband.
Sabrina: Look bitch, I didn't come here to chit chat.
<and with that, Sabrina makes a blow to Kari's face. The Kari retaliates with a kick to the abs.>

Kari: See, you hit like a wimp...you might as well plead for mercy now...
Sabrina: Not on your life, slut.
Kari: Have it your way. <As Kari throws out a jab, Sabrina ducks and delivers an uppercut, sending Kari into the air who lands on the mat...hard. Sabrina then hops on Kari and starts punching her face.>

N. Diamond: Whoa, this is starting to be the most entertaining catfight ever.

C. Derricks: I didn't know Sabrina had those kind of moves.

J. Gomez: It seems that Sabrina has the upper hand...

<While Sabrina was busy punching, Kari raised her legs up and kicked Sabrina off>

J. Gomez: Whoa, awesome turnaround by Kari.

Kari: That's it, bitch. I have no choice but to unleash my secret weapon.

J. Gomez: ...wait a minute...Kari is suddenly taking her shirt off... OH MY GOD! She's wearing a bionic bra!
N. Diamond: .........
J. Gomez: Nick?
<Nick Diamond was staring down at Kari with his eyes and mouth wide open, and it appears he's been drooling.>
J. Gomez: Nick! <smacks his partner> snap out of it.
N. Diamond: Wha...oh sorry about that.
J. Gomez: I wonder if this weapon is legal within Deathmatch regulations...
Mills Lane: I'll allow it!

Kari: Say goodbye bitch!
<suddenly, two turrets emerged from the front of the bra, and its seems to be shooting small knives. Sabrina tried to dodge the knives but a couple of them got in Sabrina's left arm. Due to the overwhelming pain, Sabrina dropped to her knees.>

Kari: Game over, hon. <Kari starts to shoot, but it turns out that she was out of ammunition. Sabrina saw this window of opprtunity, and looked to the sidelines. She had an idea when she saw Tracy Torme drinking some bottled water.>

Sabrina: Hey Tracy! Can I borrow that for a sec?
T. Torme: Uh..sure.
Sabrina <taking the bottle>: Thanks.

<Sabrina rushed to a distracted Kari and shoved the nuzzle of the bottle into one of the turrets.>

Kari: Hey! Why you..<sparks starts flying>...huh...

J. Gomez: An amazing move by Sabrina.
N. Diamond: By shoving the bottle into one of the turrets, she had short circuited the bra itself.

C. Derrick: Uh oh..this doesn't look good.

*BioBra Ver. 5.2 is malfunctioning. The Self Destruct sequence has been activated. You have 20 seconds to remove the bra.*

<Kari tried frantically to remove the contraption herself, but to no avail.>

Kari: Dave! DAVE! Help me!
David Peckinpah <running out the door>: It was nice knowing you...
Kari: YOU SONUVA....


<Kari suddenly explodes in a ball of flame, following which her remains fall on the crowd>

Crowd Member: Hey, <holding up a silicone implant>, Look what I got!

Mills Lane: and the winner is...SABRINA!

J. Gomez: Unbelievable! It turns out that Sabrina's quick thinking led her to victory. She is rightly deserving for the Sliders Queen crown.

<Tembi Locke hand Sabrina the crown>

T. Locke: Great show, girl.
Sabrina: Hey, you want to go get something to eat?
T. Locke: I'm game. After the show?
Sabrina: Sure.

N. Diamond: It seems that old feuds are settled and new friendships are formed tonight.
J. Gomez: That's right, but the carnage doesn't end here folks...The Main Event...TRACY TORMÉ VS. DAVID PECKINPAH...when Celebrity Deathmatch continues...

Click to Conclude! ----->

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