Celebrity Deathmatch: Sliders Edition!
-- By HurriKain --

Johnny Gomez
Round One

<Robert Floyd walks down the aisle with crowd hissing and booing>

J. Gomez <via PA>: In the blue corner, he played the streetsmart, merged alternate "Mallory"....ROBERT FLOYD!

Crowd: BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

<Robert waves to the crowd but gets hits by multiple glass bottles, thrown by a large crowd of JOC Fanatics>

Woman <holding a "We Want Jerry" banner>: DIE, FOGBOY!

<Then the stadium was filled with fireworks and bright lights, and smoke starts to fill the red isle>

J. Gomez: And in the red corner... he's played the young genius Quinn Mallory on Sliders, his latest release is the smash hit "Mission to Mars" and, oh - don't forget "Stand By Me".......JERRY O'CONNELL!

<Soon everyone was in an uproar as Jerry walked down the isle. And before he steps into the ring, Jerry takes his shirt off>

N. Diamond: Oh my God! The JOC crowd is forming a giant pool of drool. If this doesn't stop soon, we may have a moat on our hands.

J. Gomez: Oh my. Well tonight, we have a very special guest with us in the booth. He has been with Sliders since day one, Cleavant Derricks!

CD: Hi everybody!

<A mixture of cheers and "Cryin' Man rules" were heard>

J. Gomez: So Cleavant, you have any opinions on our two celebrity gladiators?

Cleavant Derricks: Well, all I can say that I have really enjoyed working with these two.

J. Gomez: Any speculation on who will win?
C. Derricks: I'm not a betting man. And I'm not good at sportscasting either. I'm just here to watch.
N. Diamond: Wow, a man after my own heart.
J. Gomez: Yeah, Mr. Derricks has that kind of charm that fans love.

<and with that, Jerry frowns as he enters the ring>

Mills Lane: OK, I don't condone any merging nor sliding out prematurely, all I want a nice clean fight! Now, LET'S GET IT ON!

JOC: I'm going to wipe the floor with your ass, Fog Boy. You made my ex-show look bad.

R. Floyd: You shouldn't talk! I've seen Season 3 and 4! Judging by YOUR acting, I thought you were a piece of cardboard!

<JOC makes a hard jab to Rob's face, and continues pummelling him>

N. Diamond: Wow, it seems that Robert's strategy of breaking down Jerry's ego has ended in no result.

J. Gomez: It seems that Jerry's experience in Hollywood has made his cockiness indestructible.

<Robert reaches into his coat pocket, pulls out something, and holds it in Jerry's face>

Rob: Have a look, Jerry.
<Jerry screams and backs away>

J. Gomez: Oh my God! Is that...
N. Diamond: It's Jerry's picture from "Stand By Me"! Rob has retaliated by using Jerry's plump past against him.

Jerry: NO, NO, THAT'S NOT ME! ...I mean that WAS me...I mean...

<Rob delivers a hard blow to Jerry's head.>

C. Derricks: Whoa!

J. Gomez: What a turnaround! It seems that Robert has gained the upper hand.

<Jerry breaks away from Robert's pummeling and grabs a wooden plank from the side of the ring.>

JOC: Hey Rob! Here's a little trick I learned in "Stoker".
<hits Rob over the head with the plank>

C. Derricks: Hey, I thought he used a stake in "Stoker"...

<with Robert still stunned by the blow, Jerry reaches in Rob's coat pocket, pulling out the Egyptian Timer>


<And with that, Jerry shoves the timer up Robert's ass.>

C. Derricks: Dear Lord!
N. Diamond: You said it! Jerry just shoved the timer up Robert's wormhole!
J. Gomez: ...and why is he just standing there....

JOC: 5...4...3...2...1...BYE FOGBOY!
<activates vortex and Robert Floyd violently implodes. All that left was a shimmering blue vortex>

Mills Lane: And the winner is... JERRY O'CONNELL!!!
<Cheers follow>

N. Diamond: It looks like Jerry remains victorious and Robert has just slid into the Great Beyond.

C. Derricks: Nice job, Jerry!

JOC: Don't say anything to me. Now every Sliders fan loves you just because you stuck to this hell a little longer than I have. I'm a little baffled that everyone would like an old fart over a up and coming Hollywood heartthrob.

C. Derricks: What in the hell has gotten into you boy?

JOC: Can it! It just baffles the mind. And besides, I WAS THE BEST SINGER ON SLIDERS! Listen...

IiiIIIiiii Got TEEEeeeeaaAAaaarrrRSsssss in my FRRRRrooOOoooo....FooooOOOOrrrrr LuvIIIiiiinn' Yooououuuu SooOOOOoooo.....

<suddenly security officers grabbed JOC and escorted him out the stadium>

JOC: Hey, let GO of me, do you know who I AM...DO YOU...

N. Diamond: Well, Jerry may have won the fight, but he must have lost some loyal fans after that stunt.

J. Gomez: Sorry about that, Mr. Derricks.

C. Derricks: Hey, that's all right man. I don't like to hold grudges.

J. Gomez: Stay tuned for our next bout with Kari Wuhrer versus Sabrina Lloyd...when Celebrity Deathmatch continues...

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